Abandoned, again!

It was still early in the morning when the train entered Jakarta. The city greeted the sunrise with its unwelcoming face. Grey sky covered with smog; tall and short buildings from old to modern look; and roads flooded with all kinds of vehicles and pedestrians. Yes, there were people in the middle of the roads. Apparently, the sidewalks (if there were any) could not contain the rushing people. People just scurried from one side of the road to another without any fear of getting hit - as if they were invincible. Cars, trucks, and buses were competing with each other to use the road. A three-lane road became a five-lane. On top of it, motorcycles swiftly cruised any possible gaps on the road. Everywhere looked like a chaos! A total mess!

The train finally made its final stop. All passengers impatiently raced to get off the train after a long 12-hour ride. When getting off our car, Dad held my arms more tightly than he ever did before. He didn't let go of me even when we exited the station. Perhaps, he had a feeling that he would lose me in this city. And he was right! Because the week after marked a new chapter in my life. I really had no chance of going back to Bali and Dad would have to go alone.

When our cab dropped us off in front of my grandparents' house, I could see Mom waiting at the door. Mom looked different from what I remembered her. Or was it just my imagination? I hadn't seen her for more than a year. Could a long time actually change my memory of Mom? She hugged me tightly and seemed happy to finally meet me. But I wasn't sure about my feeling toward her. A tug-of-war between happiness and disappointment crippled my judgment. I just stood there with no reciprocal action while Mom was hugging me.

Although Mom had bought a small house by the time I was in Jakarta, I had to stay with my grandparents during the visit. Mom's house was way too far from the city and the house was so small that no spare room was available for me. On the other hand, my grandparents lived in a bigger place. They owned a store in the city. The store was a two-story building. Half of the first floor was used for business - a small restaurant and pastry shop (Grandma's homemade!). And the rest of the building was the place they called home.

While I was staying with my grandparents, Mom and my siblings lived far away from the city. For this reason, I didn't spend much time with them. We could only meet once every other day. I felt indifferent about that. Living in Bali had taught me a lesson to not rely on my family. With one big difference, though. Here in Jakarta I still couldn't adjust to the city's lifestyle. There was no street or field where I could play outside, which was never recommended for safety reason. Most of the time, I killed time by playing video game inside the house. Suffocating inside the house made me miss Bali even more.

Things didn't happen as expected. In the final week of my visit, I was so ready to go back to Bali with Dad. Suddenly Mom told me that she wanted me to stay with her in Jakarta. In fact, she had already registered me to a school! I was speechless - shocked and angry! And Dad, whom I hoped would do something about it, seemed helpless. Dad didn't do anything to take me back with him. I had no idea what deal Mom had made with Dad that made him agree to leave me here in Jakarta. What I knew was now Dad left me and went back to Bali by himself. The decision crushed my heart. I felt cheated and trapped. But, what could a ten-year-old boy do to change this unfair situation?

The injustice did not stop there. Mom sent me to a Catholic school located about 15 minutes away from my grandparents' place. In this way, it would make more sense to leave me with my grandparents. So, I ended up living with my grandparents and not with Mom! It defeated the purpose of my moving to Jakarta. In addition, I wasn't the only one living with my grandparents. My sister and four other cousins ended up staying there, since most of them also went to the same school. Suddenly, Grandpa's house was transformed into an orphanage. Not for real orphans, though! Only for children who were abandoned by their parents.

Even a big house like my grandparents' could not accommodate half a dozen kids at the same time. The house became so packed and it definitely didn't have enough room for us all. It was an ancient building - more than a hundred years old. And just like any other old buildings, the bedrooms were small and only one bathroom was available. Grandpa had the biggest bedroom in the house. Accordingly, I had to sleep in his room and share a space with another cousin. Inside the bedroom, we were only given a small corner (yep, not the whole room). In that tight space, my cousin and I stored our clothes, books, and other belongings. The remaining space was barely fit to lay down the thin mattress, our resting place.

I was registered to an afternoon school. The class started at 1PM everyday. This was another new thing I had to get used to, because all the way back from kindergarten I had always gone to a morning school. Mom was trying to get me to the morning school. But, since it was a late registration, all fifth grade classes of the morning school were booked solid. So, my sister and my cousins went to the morning school and I to the afternoon school. That also meant I would spend less time with family again. I went to school by myself, while my sister would go with my cousins. My family had no car. As a consequence, I had to take the Mikrolet (a modified minivan used as a public transportation) to get to school and to get back home. Days were also felt shorter than usual. When the class started, the sun was already on its way to the other half of the earth. When the class ended, the moon was already on the horizon.

This new chapter in life had trained me to be independent. I was forced to take care of myself, or nobody else would. As a ten-year-old boy, I had already gone to many places in the city by myself. My favorite place was always the bookstore near Grandpa's place. I could spend hours and hours of reading in the store. At home, I would do homework without anybody helping. I would eat dinner alone, too. By the time I got home, everyone had had dinner. Gradually, this lifestyle had made me a distant person. From the outside, people would see me as a quiet boy. Deep inside, I was full of bitterness and anger toward my family.