Charlotte Perkins Gilman, a prominent American writer, once wrote: "When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one." That was her suicide note. Charlotte took her own life on August 17, 1935.
Do you happen to agree with Charlotte? Has suicide been an option in your life? It creeps in when all hope is gone. It knocks at your door when desperation overcomes. Incurable sickness, financial crisis, loss of a loved one, and many other terrible reasons might justify someone to take his or her own life. I had been on that brink before. But, it is a totally different story, because my story was nothing compared to what happened to Mom. Once in her lifetime, she reached the end of the rope. And there seemed to be no other options but to let go. And also to take the children down with her... yes, me included!
If you read the first part of Mom's story, you will remember how she divorced Dad and married someone else. It was a very bad decision, although it took Mom a long time to realize that mistake. When she and her second husband moved back to Jakarta, everything did not go well as planned. Mom tried to get her old customers from the cake business back. But, the business was never as good as before. To top off her financial problem, her husband was also dependent on Mom to support his business ideas. The funny thing was none of these ideas ever lasted. In just a short time, Mom dried up her savings for this so-called husband of hers.
There was a time when the husband also introduced Mom to an imam. In desperation, Mom believed that Islam could be the way out from her financial difficulties. Following the imam's teaching, Mom started "decorating" the house with verses of the Koran. The idea was for Mom to read the verses out loud as her prayer. Little that she knew the teaching itself was part of a cult. A few times, Mom was taken to a remote (mystical) place in Central Java. There she was forced to worship some spirits, who people believed ruling over the area.
This new practice had separated Mom away from her children. She almost had no time to visit us at Grandpa's house. My visit to her house was also getting less frequent, although I liked to stay at Mom's house because it was quiet and, of course, I could feel that I was part of a family. However, my presence in the house always stirred up a fight between Mom and her husband. Mom was not allowed to see me because of my faith in Christ. Of course, she could not agree with the rule.
One night, to prove her new faith, the imam forced Mom to deny and curse Jesus Christ. Although she knew only a little about Jesus, she was torn inside. Somehow, deep inside her heart, she believed Jesus was God. Mom could not say a word. But all these series of unfortunate events broke Mom apart. She cracked.
A suicidal thought overcame Mom. She was ready to take her life by drinking a rat poison. And she planned a way to make all her children drink the same thing. Out of nowhere, when she was about to execute this evil plan, she found a Bible (isn't that weird?). With hesitation she took the Book and randomly flipped the pages. She came into a phrase, that sounded like: "Do not take your own life" (until this day she can't find the same verse in the Bible anymore). She felt God, the true One, speaking to her. Tears started rolling down from her eyes. Mom cried out to God. Instead of commiting suicide and murder, she committed herself to God that very night.
God did not stop there. The same week Mom met her old friends, who turned out to be a Christian couple. The couples asked Mom to come with them to church. Usually she would say no when someone asked her to go to church, but this time she nodded. So, Mom made her step back to church on that weekend. Her first time after so many years of absence. This time, she went because she was searching for God. Through that church, Mom finally accepted Jesus as her Savior and Lord. She still follows Jesus even to this day.
I could not hold my tears of joy when Mom told me this story. Joy of seeing Mom has finally found Jesus. Joy of being alive, knowing that I was about to be murdered. This true story is a living proof of God's love and mercy. When there seems to be no way out, God was there reaching out to give us comfort and rest.
Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
